Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
