Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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