Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
