doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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