Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
