So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
