do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
