I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
