it was like his penis was on wheels.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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