I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
