like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Operation Purity has been aborted
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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