I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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