I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
