the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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