just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
