Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
