I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
