Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
