you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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