i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
