I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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