Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
