I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
