There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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