I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
