Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
