I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm like, not good at living.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
