I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Enjoy the penises
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
