I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
