if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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