So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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