next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
