After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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