my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
