remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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