Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
