In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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