He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
