My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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