i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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