what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
