I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
