And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
