You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no you cant smoke seaweed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
