like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
