Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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