Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
