You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
