woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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