You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
