ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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