You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
