it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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