I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
