You just made me feel so damn special
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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